Those were the days...& years

Where are you, my childhood days...those days where I happily played.

I was walking down the street today. Two girls giggling at me...not. It was at the two guys behind me. One of the girls was saying, 'hey...your boyfriend's coming.' And the other said, 'no, dont anyhow say ok!', giggling, giggling and still giggling away.

I looked at them, barely ten years of age. Innocent, uninfluenced, untainted by the complexities of life, yet. And as I silently walked away, smiling, I prayed for them. Prayed that they would take along this tinge of innocence with them, take along the courage to follow their hearts, take along the simplest things in life, as they face greater and more complicated challenges ahead of them...

Our yesterdays, we never knew how to hide our emotions. When we saw a guy or a girl we liked, we blushed. When we saw that one we liked with another, we cried. When our friends took our pencils, we told the teacher. When our best friends were snatched away, we wrote them letters telling them we were jealous. When our parents bought us ice-cream, we appreciated and hugged and kissed them (even with ice-cream all over our mouths).

When was the last time you showed your parents affection, much less say 'i love you' to them? When was the last time you told your best friend they mean the world to you?
When was the last time you blushed when you saw the one you loved?
When was the last time you cried those tears when your loved one left you for another?
When was the last time you told your teacher when your pencil was stolen?
ok this one's not so relevant...but when was the last time you let your anger out?

How many times have you smiled and said 'never mind' yet cursed and swore in your hearts?
How often have you held back those tears, those emotions?

We complicate things, because complexities set in as we grow older. We forget the simplicities. The ice-cream man, candy floss, the 10cents sweet, sand castles, sports day...they dont excite us anymore.

As we progress to become civilised beings, we have learnt how to control our emotions. I'm not saying we should just hurl abuse at our irritable collegues or cry when someone hmm...takes our pencil. But as we learn how to hold back certain emotions, we should also learn to let go some.

The next time you see the ah pek selling ice-cream, run towards him like you used to, as a child.
You would be surprised you get an extra scoop.
and if you do, please let me know too.

My Booblay

Booblay booblay, he makes my day
Booblay booblay, you blow my mind 0h-so-away...

And he croons,
' Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know
And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
I'm fine baby, how are you?
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Mmmm, I've got to go home
Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me..."

Your definition, my definition

Even two persons who have the same character will have differences.

Ask two perfectionists what is perfect to them. They will give you different answers. 'Perfect' has different meanings to them, in different situations.

Someone says 'I love you' to you. It may mean 'You are the girl of my dreams and I am willing to sacrifice everything I have for you, to be with you.' To the other, it may mean 'I think you are lovely'.

Communication allows us to communicate and at the same time, miscommunicate. Language is a tool and we have the control over it. Be more specific if you have to. Happy communicating.

Ps: please use specifications sparingly. eg. when you are about to kiss, just say 'i love you' then kiss. not 'i love you because everytime i see you, i melt. u are everything to me and I would forsake my 2.3million house, rx3000, $20,000 salary with the bank, blah blah blah, just to be with you'. you get the idea.

and if the girl doesnt run away before you finish, please let me know.

The candle light & bonfire

I loved you more yesterday, than today. And I loved you more the day before, than yesterday.

"Absence diminishes small loves but increases great ones. Just like the wind blows out the candle light but blows up the bon fire".

Expectations

When someone expects something from you, be glad that they do. Look behind the pressure and difficulties you might face while trying to reach their expectations. They expect because they believe. They believe in you, in the fact that you are able to fulfill their expectations. Be glad.

I expected. But I was disappointed. It got me thinking. Whether I have expected too much. And when I realised I did, I lowered my expectations. True enough, I felt much better.

But I feel sad for the person...

The sun shines again

With just that little from him, the sun is out again. 'hey pls understand that i make time out to sms and check u out most of the time. dont be upset when i am busy and cant reply u.', 'i am getting busy here so pardon me if i lose my attention.'

I hope he's not married. busy changing diapers for his kid.

I really should be writing much better stuff, keeping my initial intention of starting this blog in check. Bear with me for now.

Many but none

I look through my phonelist. 226 numbers in there...but there is none I could call, when I really need someone...

How many of us have actually felt this way before? felt this way at least a few times in our lives... There's the group of people u make merry with all day, that if you start talking about life, religion, just deeper things, the situation becomes awkward. There's also the group u work hard with, that everything you talk about would be nothing but the coming exams, proposal deadlines, difficult clients, etc. Then there will be the closer ones; your bestest friends and family. The ones whom you shouldnt hesitate to call upon.

I did. I hesitated to call my best friend. I hesitated to call my oldest best friend - my dad. I am holding back...holding back for fear of being judged. There's always some things you do that they do not agree of. I have my insecurities. Actually, I just have secrets untold.

To everyone who knows me, I'm not as strong as you think I am. Each time I emerge with a smile, it's because I've cried my tears in my little world. I'm not as happy as I appear to be. After each hearty laughter I let out, I sink back to my lonely little world.

I am confused. I'm just in love. And love always confuses me. Love heals the world, but it always ends up hurting me. 'conserving electricity for a more well-deserving chance to electrify...', 'then who mind a little insanity out of sanity and indulge in fantasy out of reality. i keep reminding myself i have only one life to live. and a chance like u will cost too much to be missed. reinstate me will u?...', 'i dont have a home without u...'. All these suddenly becomes 'sorry really busy', 'ok', 'yup'...

I almost died.

I should resurrect soon, once I get my thoughts sorted out. Afterall, I've such a loving family, such a bright future ahead of me, a patient boyfriend and really just everything I need, to carry on A perfect life. not mine.

did i mention para 5 was not relevant to my boyfriend?
and ps. at the time of post, another sms came 'sorry i didnt see ur msg'.

someone kill me please, before cupid does another shot.

I'm dying...

...because I'm shot by cupid's arrow.